Sometimes we feel like the fact that it didn't last makes it less likely that it was true love. Because life takes you away from each other, it must not have been the real thing. Then slowly, we find ourselves questioning whether we know what love really is or if we can actually trust what we thought was a good relationship. This leaves us with a feeling of loss at the fact that something that felt real is gone and it also causes us to feel like we can't trust our own emotions.
Next stop, the "Love is a Choice" boat where someone finally decides that they have to take the emotion out of love because they don't trust the emotion at all. Thus, they deem themselves "in love" because they "chose love," but this is empty because now love is a chore instead of a joy. Loving someone should make you smile for no reason. Loving someone should be the best thing that's ever happened to you. Love shouldn't be something you compare to your 9-5 job or taking out the trash.
Swinging to the other side, people talk about "falling out of love" like it's something that happens regularly, but I don't believe in this ideology either. Just because it didn't last doesn't mean it wasn't love either. What I would like to propose is that there's a happy medium.
I believe that love comes in many different ways, sometimes it's forever and sometimes it's not. There's one person that is supposed to be your forever person who will love you forever, that's the person you marry. However, I believe that as we change and grow, there are many people that you love who are only seasonal.
I am not the same person as I was when I was 13, nor the same person as I was when I was 17 and I'm not even the same person as I was when I was 19. I heard a song that said something like, 21-year-old me will always love you, and then proceeded to explain how they weren't 21 anymore. So, what if instead of looking at it like you don't know what love is... maybe you look at it like you were fortunate that God sent someone to love every version of you. You were blessed to be in love with someone who was perfect for you when you were 13 and love was a childish giddiness over innocent things. Then, you were blessed to be in love with someone who loved you through all the pain of 17 when love meant someone to calm your anxiety before you learned how to do it yourself. And then, you were blessed to be in love with someone who was perfect in the way that he loved you even when you didn't love yourself at 19. So, you do know what love is and you do know what a good relationship looks like, you just haven't met the one who will love the version of you that you are now and continue to change and grow with you forever.
Some people are capable of changing with another person and some people can't. That's where compatibility comes in. Are you heading in the same direction and can you change at the same rate over time? But, some people were there just to love you the way you were then.
This thought line allows you to accept the fact that what you had with that person was real without having to reason yourself out of loving them or finding a reason why you didn't love them. Instead, you can be thankful that you got to love them and be loved by them. Then, you get to file the memories away knowing that they will always bring you joy and be the best part of who you were then. But, it frees you to move on knowing that you've changed and now you're looking for the person who is going to love you now. Maybe that person is your forever love and maybe they're just another person that will love you for a time. Either way, you can enjoy the ride for however long it lasts knowing that love is a gift. You can count yourself blessed that you've gotten to experience love in every season and in so many different ways. Then, when you do find your forever person, you'll be even more thankful because you know what love is and you know that love is what you have with them, you will know that you can trust love and that this time, you won't have to love the memory of them. Instead, you get to love them in the present tense forever knowing that together you will change and grow.
This takes the pressure off of finding "THE ONE" like there's some sort of science behind it. Lowering the steaks of dating and falling in love helps you to enjoy each moment and live in the present without fear of whether someone is staying or going. One thing I regret about the memories I have of being in love is that I wasn't always in the moment. I was often waiting for them to leave or for the other shoe to drop. They'll always be a bright place in my past, but it could have been brighter if I had lived a little more in the moment.
So, fall in love... trust love... don't be afraid to be loved. Maybe this is your forever love or maybe you're one of those people fortunate enough to have had someone to love every single version of you. I know I'm thankful for the relationships that carried me through some of my darkest days and that celebrated with me on some of my most joyous of days. Life is always better when you can share it with someone else. I'm looking forward to falling in love again. It's thrilling and exciting to think about the adventure of finding someone new and embarking on this adventure of love and life with them no matter how long it may last. I'll be thankful because I got another chance to know what it is to be in love and that's the biggest blessing the world has to offer.
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