We’ve all seen the reel/ticktock trend where they’re quoting Bruno Mars “When I Was Your Man” versus Miley Cyrus “Flowers” which directly contract each other. Honestly, I think this trend is a very accurate representation of the culture surrounding Feminism & what it means to be in your early-mid 20’s in 2023.
There are two presuppositions that the two sides of our culture hold about a woman. On one side, we have people who don’t respect you as an adult or as an upstanding woman if you are NOT married. On the other hand, people view a woman as a “sell out” or as weak if she DOES get married.
Comments often start with “well you’re not married” and end with the implication that I'm loose or a floozy just because I'm not yet married. On the other side of things, you hear people say “You don’t need a man” or “focus on your career before getting tied down” and end with “well, if you get married your career is over, honey.” Yes, these are things people have actually said to me, a GenZ single woman.
Just to set the record straight, I want to get married. However, I also plan on continuing to own my own business not because I have to work, but because I love my job! This comment “I love my job” does not automatically implicate that I CANNOT also love my future husband or children. It just means that at a young age, I will get to teach my children what it means to be passionate about the words you speak & the stories you leave behind. My children will get to experience the world in a unique way as they watch me & my husband chasing our dreams; thus learning that they too can be anything & do anything they choose.
Yes, I believe I can successfully have BOTH a career & a family. I can prioritize my kids & husband without getting rid of work all together. Some would say this is immature voiced with a comment like “you’ll see how hard it is when you’re older.” To those people, I would like to say: IT’S MY LIFE TO LIVE . What is it to you if I succeed or fail? Are you jealous of my ambition because you weren’t afforded the option of having both a passionate career & a happy marriage?
Somewhere along the way, we decided that independence means that you can’t have a guy anywhere around you, you have to be better than them & totally self reliant, but that’s just not realistic. You’re self reliant on the farmer who owns the cows who produce the milk that’s in your fridge. Will you stop drinking milk if the farmer isn't a female?
I’m all for #girlboss - but that shouldn’t include a hatred of men. God created both men & women to be helpmates for one another. Therefore, if you’re with a good man, you should have a say in the decisions being made, but you shouldn’t have to make them alone. He should be strong enough to fight for you, but not dominating to the point where you feel like property. You should feel safe & supported to pursue your dreams & in turn, you should support him in his dreams. If you feel like men are all inherently bad, you may want to figure out where that hatred began. There are good men & there are bad men just like there are horrible women & fantastic women as well.
So, on Women’s Day, I’d like to just say, from me, an independent woman, I believe that I do still need a man. God said that it is not good for us to be alone (Gen. 2:18). However, I don’t believe marriage defines a successful woman nor do I believe that singleness or a career defines a woman either. I am who God says I am. I am HIS child, a royal priesthood, chosen, & set apart (1 Peter 2:9). However, according to God’s word, a Proverbs 31 woman is both married, providing for her family & working with her hands using her OWN money to invest in vineyards (Prov. 31:16).
Next time you think about judging a woman for her decision to be married or for her singleness, read Proverbs 31 & keep your opinions to yourself. Words hurt & I can attest to the fact that when people look at me like a slut or do not respect me because I’m not married, it hurts because I want to be married more than anything in the whole world. On the other hand, when people say I can’t have both & someday I’ll grown up & realize it, that hurts too. At the end of the day, the only way I can live without regret is to chase my dreams professionally & personally without care for what anyone has to say. God put these desires in my heart & I intend to hear "well done" when I see Him one day. Only I am accountable for my actions, so to all the naysayers… the opinion box is closed.
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